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cover - life continues

I.

forgetting is fast

II.

After starting (and never finishing) multiple posts this summer, I’ve concluded that it’s impossible to catch up on everything I didn’t write about over the past seven months. I’m either too far removed from it that I’ll never be able to write about it or simply still need more time before I can write poignantly about not only my freshman year but also the summer that followed. In general, it was the worst year of my life but I’m 100% okay with the fact that it happened and feel as though it was necessary. Any amount of further detail I try to go into leads to a tangled mess of this-then-that accompanied by a thousand sideways glances. So, I’m leaving freshman year where it is. God has somehow taken the load of last year and replaced it with an overflowing amount of peace and grace and I am learning to take it with thankfulness and without question. I’m high key the happiest and most peaceful I have ever been even though less things are right in my life now than when I was at my lowest. The only explanation is something heavenly and I am ultimately at a loss for words. •

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III.

I straight up love the camp I go to every summer. I feel like everyone thinks their church camp is superior, but mine actually is…in my opinion ;). Having just finished my freshman year of college, I spent three weeks of June leading and loving and learning and sweating exclusively as staff. As weird as it was to realize that I would never be a camper again, it also felt unbelievably right. And in a strange way, being staff reminded me why I want to keep blogging. I spent the final week of the three making a yearbook. I threw a lot of what I would write in a journal or post online into a word document and printed it 100 times over, eventually handing it out to all the people I’d spent the week with. Documenting the week and our memories like that felt familiar because I used to document my entire life like that when I consistently blogged. I realized during that week how much I missed writing and taking photos, and how I’d never noticed before, but when I’m not blogging, my creative life loses its abundance. Blogging gives me an opportunity to be in a constant state of creativity in a way that I have never been able to replicate in a journal or otherwise. I want desperately to have that be part of my life again.

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This post is the first step toward getting back to where I was starting new and going in the directions that feel right. I’m struggling to change and grow this site as impossibly much as I personally have in the past seven months, and I’m finding ways to make it all work. It feels so good to be writing again and to be creating the first of many more. I love that life continues to move and change even when we aren’t ready, but gives us moments to catch up. So, hello again; I’ve been gone for a crazy amount of time but I’m finally catching up. •

still dynamite | Megan

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Necessary Days

Cover - Necessary DaysIt’s 2016 and I’m anxious about this year. As much as I don’t want to, I have to admit that. Twelve months and 75% of it is entirely unknown. I know the classes I’ll be taking this semester and that’s about the end of what I know. I’m trying hard to relax about it; if I learned anything from how uptight I was about my future when I was 15, it’s that I shouldn’t be uptight about my future. So, while waiting and wanting for things to happen, I think it’s probably good to be okay with not knowing. Once I get over the fact that I want to know, it gets exciting. I don’t know what will happen because anything could happen.

There’s still that fear though, isn’t there? Knowing that while anything good could happen, anything bad could happen as well. I could have to worst year of my life, right? It’s a possibility, and that’s the part that really gets to me. Of course I want the great things to happen and, ideally, the rest can just stay away. I don’t want the bad days. But…the bad days do have their place. Bad days pull you and stretch you and make you move. We can wish them away, but they must happen.

Thinking about the year ahead of me, I think that’s what I want most: for the things that need to happen to happen. If I need to learn from a year of mostly bad days, I’ll live through it. If I need to grow in a year of mostly good days, I’ll enjoy it and try not to take any of it for granted. Whatever happens, I hope for a year of necessary days. On this, I’m finding peace in an era of unknowns. Days will come and go like the snowflakes you catch on your fingertips, melting before you’ve had a chance to really see them. I’ll do my best to make them the best, but accept them as they come.

Necessary Days endIt’s 2016 and I’m anxious about this year. But I’m trying to relax about it.

stay dynamite. | Megan

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